Stumbled on some old seminar notes recently about listening. Did you know that we operate in one of three ways when we listen?
The first two types are the most common forms of listening.
You are either agreeing with what you are hearing OR disagreeing. Naturally, the majority of us seek out people who will agree with what we're saying.
The third & less common form is "being with" listening. It's where judgment, approval or condemnation are put aside. Instead, you focus on "being with" that person, having empathy & getting on the "same page" - it's SHED listening.
Regular Shed members would know exactly what I'm talking about, but I wonder how many of us practice "being with" listening outside of Shed with family, friends, co-workers?
For mine, it's critical for communication in relationships. A lot of the time, women particularly (& girls) just want to talk, it's how they connect; it's like therapy. Talking doesn't always mean a discussion or debate. If you don't believe me, just ask any successful hairdresser; the haircut itself is not the only thing that makes a woman feel good. Conversely, blokes are more reluctant to talk openly because that makes them vulnerable &, for many, fearful - you might not like them if they say the "wrong" thing.
Now, think about how many times you've been too busy, or it's been too trivial, for you to stop what you are doing & REALLY listen. STOPPING to listen not only to the words but the sentiment surrounding them & the body language make a huge impact on how you are "connecting". I have personally found this very powerful in connecting with my daughter in recent years whereas in earlier times, before God softened my heart, she needed to fit in with my agenda or it was too trivial; I was judging (agreeing or disagreeing). Now I wait to be asked for my opinion, which isn't very often, after all, she just wanted to talk, & by my "genuine" listening, she knows that I care & that she's a priority in my life
So, for my two bob's worth, talk less, feel more & you'll connect better; it's worked for me ;-)
God bless n' luv ya guts
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